Media's shaadi mania

Ladies and Gentlemen, girls ‘n’ boys,
Chuck all your work, abandon your toys;
For the great media tamasha is about to begin,
Get your popcorn and coke and quickly sit in.
Bollywood’s two biggest stars stand to be one,
And we all know how wedding’s can be so much fun.
No matter if we aren’t allowed inside,
We’ll still catch the emotion ‘n’ tell you who cried.
For as Aishwarya and Abhishek tie the knot,
For us ‘unrelated relatives’ in the media, that means a lot,
For though not invited, and we’re miffed about that,
It’s outside their houses we’ll camp – camera n sunhat.
To get you any head peeping out of a top floor window,
And the general ambience, which way the wind does go.

Hopping between the Bachchans’ two residences and Ash’s house too,
They’ve got Z grade security, so the photos will be few.
But we’ll make it up with speculations galore,
On who wore what n who rocked the dance floor.
Which film stars were invited to this marriage,
It’s all there on every edition’s very first page.

Breaking news: Ash’s mehendi has come in fresh from Rajasthan’s Sojat
News update: Rumour is - there’s a whole 15 kilos of that.
The Heliconia flowers are from Kerela’s Kochi gardens,
And Kanpur ladoos for all their family n frens.
Exclusively designed saris come all the way from Varanasi,
Exquisite Kolkatan jewellery for the lucky bride-to-be.
An Arya Samaj shaadi with 11 pundits sitting in,
And Kajara Re booming from the music system.
An elaborate 16 page gold embossed card,
It’s a wedding unrivaled, even if you try very hard.

It’s the century’s Shaadi No. 1,
And if you want to join in the fun
Switch on any news channel
And you’ll get your fill…
Can’t promise you facts, only pure guess work
No cake, only icing, that’s the perk.

Once in a while a wedding like this
Keeps the media on its toes, in case a sneeze does it miss.
But this time the media did slightly disappoint us,
Indeed they did make month-long huge fuss,
They covered every bit from food to panty hose!
But they forgot to come out with speculative photos,
Of how, when the stork visits, perhaps, maybe,
Sketches of the probable Ash-Abhishek baby!

These Doctors, I tell you...

These doctors, I tell you, are a weird breed,
True, they do good deed after deed.
But their calling takes over their entire life,
I’m telling you ‘cos I’m a doctor’s wife.
Living on campus, I’m surrounded by every kind
Of doctor that you could ever find…
Pathologists, radiologists, cardiologists, gastroenterologists,
Neurologists, nephrologists, oncologists, dermatologists,
Urologists, geologists – hang on, geologists? No, that doesn’t sound right
And, of course, the surgeons, whom I mustn’t slight.
There are older ones with tons of knowledge ‘n’ experience in their heads,
And younger ones bubbling with enthusiasm instead;
Unkempt ones, unshaved ones, crumpled-shirt ones,
Long-haired ones, sleepy-eyed ones, just-out-of-bed ones,
‘Maybe that one dozed off half-way though a book,
And got up and rushed off, without a care for his look!’
The most pitiable ones – pagers beeping – scurry off to respond,
By now I’m sure, of emergencies; they can’t be all that fond.
From ward to ICU to OT do they spend their day,
Jack’s quite active though it’s all work, no play.
Surgeons rushing off to operate on patients, make them good,
Just wishing they’d got as much sleep as they should!
Seeing line after line of the sick in the OPD,
If it weren’t for doctors, where would we be.
Morning rounds, evening rounds, to think makes my head spin round,
Ward to ward, patient to patient, bed to bed – to see if all’s sound.
And when they aren’t in the hospital, but on a coffee break,
Their real passion comes out, a passion you can’t fake.
Even in a 5-minute respite – it’s ‘patients’, ‘cases’, ‘operations’ and ‘medicines’,
‘Who had what’, ‘who needed what’, and ‘who delivered twins’.
It’s everywhere you go, this ‘doctors’ talk’,
At night, even in your dreams, does it you stalk.
All conversations, whether at breakfast, dinner or lunch,
Revolve around who had what complication, who took the crunch,
Who developed what condition, what miracle drug did its wonder,
Which junior doctor got screwed for what mistake or blunder.
And if you think over time a doctor’s ways you can dilute,
Let me warn you, that all efforts will be barren fruit,

It’s just a matter of time before the IV of ‘doctory’ finds its way into your veins,
And ‘doctors’ garble’ takes over and starts to hold the reigns.
In no time you’ll be rattling about meningiomas and corpectomies;
With a matter-of-factness that you would say ‘wood is made from trees’!!!
You’ll be able to pronounce ophthalmology and spell pediatrics;
You’ll know that ‘bone cement’ is the equivalent of quick fix!
You’ll be saying – I have to ‘suture’ a button on a shirt;
With phrases like ‘got an emergency’, ‘I’m on-call’ do you flirt;
You ask for a scalpel when you really need a knife;
You don’t remember how it was, without pagers in your life!
You aren’t startled anymore when in the middle of the night the phone does ring;
And emergency shunts at 2 AM are an ordinary thing.

You mistake me, good friends, if you think I am complaining,
No, no, these are but jottings of an idle mind wandering,
And wondering too
That if you…

Were to stick a needle into a doctor’s vein,
Any doc will do – sane or insane,
Pull out some blood and send it for a test,
To a laboratory, of course, one of the best,

The blood test would say –

Blood type: Not human, that’s for sure
Diseases: Undiagnosible, but looks hopeless to find a cure!